Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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