Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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