Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
