lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
