My room smells like vodka and shame
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
