I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
