I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who died my cat blue again?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
