Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize