Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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