Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
high people should be assigned attendants
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
