I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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