my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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