It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
