The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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