Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
