Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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