Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I see more hoeing in ur future
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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