I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
