im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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