i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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