i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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