I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize