just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
