Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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