Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
