Your tits are I can't wait for
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
