wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
