I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
