she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
