you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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