I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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