where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
