Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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