imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
