my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
