if you like me you must not know who I am
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
