My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
