Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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