I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
