I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize