I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
