she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
