well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize