he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
