i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
