So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
