I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
