Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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