He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
