I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
