dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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