So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
