I'm lost and stupid without you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
