i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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