I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
