I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
