we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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