She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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