it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Damn victory sex feels great
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