I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
