Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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