I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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