He had one of those small greek statue penises
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm just crazy horny about you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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