If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
