I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
