Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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