We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
