She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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