That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
