So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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