Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
