i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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