i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
