Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So vagazzling was a success
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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