i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
