3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
